Despair
by Aizawa Minami
Summary: When Liang Qi notices a shadowed figure through a window, she quickly jumps to assumptions and becomes hopelessly upset. She grieves into the hands of Alphard and wonders if there are to be anything more between them than being in a complicated cycle of lust. Set at the end of episode four - Lingering Sunset. Rated M for descriptions of sadomasochism and psychological abuse.


_**Despair**_

* * *

_A \ N: Hello, everyone! Here is another story about Alphard and Liang's relationship._

_This was originally going to be a part with the "Just an Outlet" porn story, __**but**__ – but I wanted to go deeper into the complexities of their relationship, so here it is. And yes, it will be in a bizarre form from the perspective of Liang Qi. It is based at the end of episode four – lingering sunset._

_**Additional note: This story was translated on November 2**__**nd**__**, 2013; the original document entitled 'Kétségbeesés' (Despair or Desperation) of the same story was created on October 27**__**th**__**, 2013, but was unfinished. Therefore, I had decided to translate the original document into English instead, and continue write it in English so that it would save me the time, effort, and stress because of school in the way and of writing it in Hungarian and translating it into English afterward. (Trust me IT REQUIRES a lot time and patience to write in both languages for a story) Yet, as you would know as much as I wrote this story, I had enjoyed writing it for the past two weeks. When the two weeks became three weeks though, I just wanted to end the story and be done with it. **_

_**Writing the story was all right, I am not sure if it is even my favourite pieces anymore, but I hope you – the reader will most certainly enjoy this piece. ^_^**_

* * *

I could not believe what I just saw, a woman in the dark, climbing a tree to escape from somewhere. Even if I did not see her, I knew exactly who she was. Anger erupted in my mind that I literally broke my wine glass at the window. I knew that this would cause the people's attention to me. There were gasps, murmurs around me, _"What's wrong with this girl? It is she all right?" _  
However, I did not bother to worry about it. The only thing that really worried me… was _that bitch_ Canaan – she came here to take my sister away from me. And that… that is what I cannot allow her to do! My breathing became irregular, rapid shaking of the muscles tightening and hurting; my vision becomes cloudy, and soon, there was warm wetness on my face…My throat made a strangled sound of a whimper, or was it a cry?  
The next thing I knew, I was in the arms of my subordinate; a man in his early forties and ash-blonde hair, a purple suit and glasses, a bandage on his nose from my anger tantrums. He reassured me, told me that it was all going to be all right for me. I am holding onto him a little tighter, angrily growling between sobs, "It is all a bunch of bullshit, Cummings! This is so fucking unfair!"  
"Honoured Liang Qi, "He began, his voice soft and genuine. " It will be okay… I promise…" I lifted my head gently with his hands in my hair and what I did to return was to push him away and spit in his face. The onlookers gasped louder, and poor old Cummings felt hurt of what I did. Despite the fact that I gave him the abuse of my pellet gun, which he enjoyed – this abuse is much worse for him.  
At least he has a little taste of how I feel about my relationship with my sister – an unrequited, cold, and distant relationship. A love that is so complex that everything else around me is either worse or forgotten.  
This poor fool looked at me, almost embarrassed and shocked as he was wiping the spit from his face and his glasses with his thumb. "My dear Liang Qi… Why… Why did you…?"  
He just angered me more, I shook my head violently and slammed my fist on his chest, "Do not ever address me like I am your whore or your daughter, do you hear?! Let's face it! I am not worthy of your kindness and we both know that! Do me a favour: do not bother me again!"  
Before he could even say a word or speak my name with upset, I slapped him across the face and stormed out of the ballroom complete with disgust; leaving the perverted old man in his humiliation. As I walked down the corridor, I saw a yellow ribbon around the bathroom door and officers surrounding area, whispering the incident: "…there were bullet holes in the walls… plastered on the floor…"  
I have looked at the corner of my eye and felt a sudden chill of disgust and envy. It was a moment before I decided to walk there by chance, as I could block of what I heard with my ear on my left hand and my eyes straight upstairs to a room that I have the key to.

* * *

I have reached the room number 104 and opened it; turned the key in the hole with shaking, nervous hands and quickly shut the door behind me. But then, I felt a little worse, my palms became sweaty and my body is on fire, burning up, literally.  
I struggled to calm my breathing, which sounded no more than a whimpering noise. Fed up with my personal catastrophic situation, I took off my dress in a frenzy; throwing it against the wall and screamed inside my mouth. Heh ... And little do I not know that my sister was in the shower, but I could feel her dominating presence creeping just behind me.  
I shivered out of fear of the thought of her hands hovering over my bare shoulders and the blades of them… It is too much that I feel victimized…I do not want to face her…  
"_My God_, Li… don't you feel like hell today…" She cooed at me as a mother to her child. I did not say anything much, I had my forearms tightly pressed against the wall and strained to breathe in and out, I was tense and relaxed also, but it's all just nervously wrecked.  
"Uh… ugh…" I made a disgusted sound in my clenched teeth, this caused my sister to stop her doing and take notice of my emotional turmoil. She withdrew herself from me as soon as she heard me cried. "Liang Qi," she began firmly, "What's the matter?"  
My facial muscles twitched towards her words: _**"What's the matter" **_

She has quite the nerve to ask me such a thing about myself, and I now question it. I chuckled hoarsely towards this thing named '_pity_' she has for me. I loathed that damned word… I choked on my tongue before I answered to her, forcing more tears to make my mess go away faster – hopefully to return to my 'normal' self at the least.

I turned around to face her, my face masked to an expression of hatred; a twisted, disordered smile, my eyes puffy and red, stinging with newly hot tears; my nerves had twitched for a violent confrontation that would make me feel better. I had my left hand at the side of my hair and gripped at it, scratching at it nervously.

When I spoke, I sounded like a complete wreck – emotional and mentally: "Oh ho ho ho! _You are concerned now? Oh that is so new!_ _I do not remember the last time you were like this; noticing my feelings!_ _How do you think __**I **__feel?!_" Sister stood just there; blinking her black eyes, her mouth partially opened as if to form her words of the situation, yet she snapped it shut and took a deep, heavy breath. She ran her hand through her shoulder-length dark hair, and lowered the hand to cross her arms.

Her head hung low to the carpet for a second, and then slowly lifted itself to face me. Looking at her now, I must have made her feel the same way – only that she did not cry or yelled at me as I did towards her; she still kept her composure with an expression of uncertainty.

Yet I still acted impatient towards that; "_Answer me goddamn it!_" I snarled, banging my fist against the wall – my throat creating more hiccupping sobs, the amount of tears clouding away my vision.

"I don't think I want to know of how you are feeling right now, Liang." She said unwillingly, another sigh came. _"…Don't act like this right now, Liang Qi…"_ I could not hear the rest of what she had told me; I did not want to hear any of it, I had completely shut out the most of my senses, but so I tried – my mindset decides to betray the reluctance.

My vision became blurred and perplexed; I could only make out the bits and pieces of her actions; the scent of shame, my anxiety, and fear of what she would to do me. Her hands reaching out to stroke at my bangs that stuck to my clammy, feverish face. My lower lip trembled the slightest – so had my body as well, it shook rather violently, and I felt _very_ scared now.

_***Ba-bum…Ba-bum…Ba-bum…***_

My heart thundered inside of my chest as she continued to do so, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, her knuckles raking at the side of my face in a careful, gentle motion. Her black eyes facing directly into my own hazel ones and they were rather swollen from crying too much.

"_Liang, it will be all right," _Her voice managed to soothed my nerves only slightly, it was a considerate tone of voice; evenly genuine… My left hand rose itself, shaking uneasily as I came to cautiously grasped her hand that was caressing my face. I sniffed and brought it up to my lips; amorously kissing at her fingers, then whimpering. I am feeling so ashamed….

Sister must have noticed this from me, resting her forehead onto mine – furthering me against the wall; my back to its cool sensation. _"What is it that you want, Liang?"_ She whispered her eyes half-closed as if in a brief trance, leaning herself forward and giving me a terse, soft kiss.

I shook even more; her open statement had driven me to a point where nothing else had mattered but to focus on releasing my sexual frustration, and she is the only one who can satisfy me. I kissed her back, with more force and aggression that it caused her to withdraw from shock. She pushes me away and stares at me with wide eyes, utterly bewildered of what we had both started.

"_Liang,_" She breathed, unable to find the words to express this situation.

"Ohh, God…" I quivered, shaking my head vigorously – burying my face in my shaky hands – I found myself whimpering again.

"_Liang Qi, look at me. Look at me…" _She coaxed in a gentle, calm manner possible; cautiously removing my hands away from my face, her lips touching at my eyes where my tears had fallen. "Don't feel ashamed, Liang…" She murmured, cupping either side of my face with her hands – her voice attempting to calm and put me at ease.

I tried to look at her in my dark misery, from what I can see now – she appears so distorted like a brown shadow, her words only forming in echoes in my mentally ill mind.

"_If you want me to…" _Her voice spoke in soft whispers; I could feel her hands lowering themselves from my face, her long, thin fingers stroking my bare, sweltering skin – her right palm pressing onto the right hand side of my chest just as firmly. Her expression faltered from its genuine pity to morph into its usual bitter, cynical appearance.

Already becoming tired and antagonized of my own thoughts and feelings about our situation – the jealousy of that _girl_ my sister was interested in and myself; now, I had decided to give in for just this while. I looped my left arm around my sister's neck and only managed to hug her, fondly.

I took in a long inhale on her neck; I smelt her scent that is faint of hand-soap… The smell of lavender… I shuddered sickly – once again, I am falling down into this distasteful, disgusting, sinful, and immoral behaviour. My irritated eyes practically rolled to the back of my head once I caught her wonderful scent. Burying my nose on the flesh of her shoulder, I moaned quietly – _"Yes… Pl... Please get rid of it away from me, sister… Please…make me feel better…" _

I could feel her hand traveling downwards to my abdomen, where the wretchedness of my damnation pulsed and dripped…

"_Consider it to be done…"_ She said tentatively, taking a few steps back from me. I stood there stiffly, taking in a nervous deep breath, then sister had spoke vigilantly; _"The lamp; turn it off."_ My eyes slowly fixated on the dim-lightened lamp, I extended my right hand to feel the knob, as soon as my index finger and thumb felt for it – I cautiously turned it off. Then soon, the room began to appear pitch-black.

I could only see my sister for brief moments, not fully – but I can feel her presence of domination, listened to her movements, and the sound of her voice. _"Now then…"_ She cooed, the tone and sound of her voice was inviting, malicious; disdainful… She grabbed both of my wrists with powerful force, tightening her hold on them that it made me recoil in shock. She threw my body violently onto the bed and lunged forward. Before I could even face or react to such sudden motive, she had crashed her lips to mine – the emotion of her kiss expressed psychotic notion: snatching my wrists the moment I wanted to hold her close, and slammed them down onto the mattress. My muscles jerked, I stared at her with wide eyes and a partially opened mouth – paralyzed with fear as I seen her look at me just as directly; her dark eyes penetrating my hazel orbs – as if intently staring towards my soul, possibly knowing what I am feeling – a tortured character.

My lips cracked open to say something – surely to address her by the usual given name I say to her. For some reason, she could read me like an open book; she does not like of what and how I address her in such a name in an obscene manner; romantically that is. So she had my arms by her hands, gripped at them firmly so much that it began to hurt me, causing me to create a short, sharp cry.

She spun me over, so that my stomach is touching the now wrinkled covers of the large bed. I heard a rip from somewhere, wanted to turn my head to the left to look at what has been torn, but I had decided not to and waited for what she was going to do. There was a huff sound of her voice, the echoed sound of a piece of cloth being straightened out. I lay stiffly, my body trembling with fear and excitement all at once, my nerves irrational as I soon listened to the creaking of the bed; her knees touching the mattress, the sensation of her body heat on the small of my bare back. I could feel the cloth lowering to the height of my eyes and being enclosed within them. There was the faintness of my soft breathing, and my sister's.

I could not see a thing through the cloth in my eyes.

I took slow breaths in terms to calm myself from being overly zealous as she hovered over me;

Even when I could not see through the cloth, I knew exactly of what my sister is doing; her hands roaming across my skin, the warmth of her palms radiating the cold sweat that broke out from my pores, her fingers delicately stroking, lingering.

I felt my panties being removed fully from the silent stealth of her experienced handiwork – assuming that they are now being wadded up in a ball on the carpet….

* * *

The next thirty or forty minutes of the time were a blur to me; sometimes her motives were quick and rough or both delicate and slow at other times. Whenever I would squirm from a touch that felt sensitive for my body, she would grab my left arm and extend it to where I could feel the back of my hand touching air in the right direction. And honest to God, as I made the first choked cry, she pulled harder – the force and strength of that pull had hurt me very much; I could've sworn to hear something crackle and pop, a muscle being strained… _"AH—!"_ I cried out, yet the lengthiness of my cry was cut short by my face being pushed down onto the mattress. It was her hand at the back of my neck that made it so. Then, she had released my arm and let it slump to the soft covers of the bed, it had stung a little from the intense, prolonged stretch she had given it. I tried to relax by breathing in and out slowly and cautiously, before feeling the hairs at my nape stand out – her hand ghosting over the top of my spinal chord; her fingers caressing it briefly.

I knew of what she would do to me after short sessions of gentle foreplay; that she would go ahead and become rough.

She put pressure on the sides of my neck; her fingers and thumb winding and unwinding, squeezing hard, then releasing – she kept repeating the procedure as I hitched my breathing pattern, shivering and moaning softly – a sensation of euphoria rushing into my senses rapidly, as her other hand drifted downwards.

The right corner of my mouth twitched and my eyelids flickered underneath the so-called blindfold, my nerves irrational as always. Eventually, the muscles of my mouth trembled and lengthened to an oval shape; forming the sounds of ecstatic shuddering; my body relished the pleasurable contact of her icy fingers inside my fleshed walls.

_A cold feeling… _I lied still with my face on the warm covers, my mouth opened and my teeth met with the fabric – taking it in and chewing on it nervously. She took them in and out, this time harder – a sudden rush of an overwhelming emotion came and I strangled out a groan.

I held onto the covers and mercilessly squeezed on them, for some reason, she is not quite done with this dark ritual – she had yet one final game in store for me.

I try to stay calm by taking in deep breaths – _however, _I am still as unstable as I was earlier; the convulsing was physically apparent – no less obvious. Above me, my sister gave out a wry chuckle, _"Tahahah… If I have the synesthesia, I would have guessed your colours already, Liang." _I only replied with a sound of _"Ungh." _Then came into terms of understanding, _"My…My colours…? What the fuck are you saying..?"_ I whispered; weary of hearing the symptoms of a synesthete– especially the emotions – the coloured, meaningful auras. Yet, I managed to roll along with it, as if this is that she wants, then I would do it for her – at least to make her happy and for her to pay attention to me. I would cherish this sort of attention from my dearest sister, because I love her that much.

"_Your colours," _She murmured wistfully, her hand letting go of my neck – relieving the intensity and allowing me to breathe easy. She took a deep breath; I could feel her smirking of sadistic bliss as she leaned in forward towards me; the collision of her flesh meeting my bare back. She shifted herself – possibly to get comfortable, her head bowing down on my shoulder – inhaling in deeply at my scent, her lips lingering near my ear and bit on the lobe with her teeth.

As the action was quick, her words poured in like water; _"Your colours, little Liang, are __**very**__ interesting…During these acts you might emit these six different colours..." _She trailed off her words as her hands mindlessly roamed about my skin, her calloused hands cupping my small breasts with the slight amount of massage given that I could not help it but to shudder in response.

"_Oohhh…" _My face heated in embarrassment and humiliation of appearing like a very giving masochistic harlot to my sister – and yet I take the sole pleasure of being her sexual toy every now and then.

As I gave in, she responded with a satisfied chuckle amongst that godforsaken smirk of hers, adding some pinching pressure to the centered areas of my breasts, _"Your colour right now would be… turquoise; the colour of complete confusion, because you don't know what to do without me by your side as always – and also of the sexuality purpose…"_

I winced slightly as she pinched harder, and the result of it made my body convulse again. I bowed my head down, making a whimpering sound. _"Ue…Ahh… Si…Sister…"_ Still, I never protested against it – she resumed her little lecture, _"You always… You always grieve from that sort of thing, that makes you the colour 'green' – the colour of suffering and pain…"_ She trailed off again; releasing my breasts and her hands roamed elsewhere... I felt her fingers stroking, her fingernails raking pleasantly on my stomach… My eyelids flickered from the blindfold again…

"_Another colour…" _She breathed, focusing on her hand movements, _"There is the colour 'orange'…," _There was only one hand that trailed low, while the other stayed on my stomach. _"Orange is the colour of denial…" _She had her middle finger delicately fondling at the fleshed part upon my vaginal slit that stood out more – the clitoris... Ughh… I swear I could feel myself becoming tiresome, experiencing the wave of euphoria over and over, something that I crave often – and it becomes too much that I want it to stop, but I don't know what I would do without it.

Sister has her hand on my stomach forming a tight ball, a fist most likely. As it formed fully, she went ahead and gave me a small, hard punch that send me frozen. It caused my hips to hoist slowly and the sound of my voice heavily breathing and the groaning of the mixture of both pleasure and pain. _"You do not want to see the world of how it is, Liang. I guess it is so much that you centered your life onto me. I say, that is not healthy…" _I grit my teeth and I bear her damned sentence of truth. For the next five minutes of our time, sister had spent talking about the rest of my 'colours' and what they mean to define my overall character, at the same time – giving my stomach small thrusts with her balled up fist and vigorously grinding in hopes of achieving the equal pleasure she had given me.

In which, that was met through that throaty groan of hers, then the hard panting from the both of us. She peeled herself away from me, as it had felt very slippery, hot, and sticky – so much I think it made me feel sick. I heard the lamp came on from the clicking sound the knob made, assuming it was sister herself that did so. I made an effort to try to balance myself as I sat straight on the bed, attempting to reach in behind my head and rid of the blindfold that was still attached.

Yet, with nervous, shaky hands, I could not bring myself to do it – I sighed miserably when sister had to untie it for me, she had did, and when it came off, I averted my eyes from the dim-lighting of the lamp as being without light for a while in such extended period of time has hurt them.

But that wasn't all the reason of why I did that, the other half of that reason was an excuse to try and not to look at my sister.

"Are you sure you're all right, Liang Qi?" My sister asked of me, her facial expression was as stern as it ever was, seeing that expression made the pit of my stomach clench, and my voice was the evidence of it – "I…I really don't know, sister… If I feel… all right, or not…" I quietly murmured to myself of these private thoughts of mine – that were translated into short silence, then to incoherent speech patterns, heavy puffs of breaths, and soon to soft whimpers of cries.

"Do you think maybe you should take a shower?" Sister immediately suggested to me, she sees that a hot bath or a shower usually makes me feel a bit better from a situation like this. Looking at her with my puffy eyes, I had complied by nodding to the question. "Please do," My voice cracked.

Sister walked by the bathroom door, went inside, and switched on a light so that I could easily see my surroundings. Then, she grabbed something (from what appeared to be an attached coat hanger to a wall) a piece of long, white wooly cloth, when she unfolded it though, it was merely a bathrobe. She put it on herself, in proper fashion before tying it on a knot and sitting down on a nearby armchair. "You can go ahead and take your shower," She said in a tedious manner, back to her usual self, I assume.

I inhaled slowly, and then exhaled in a rather shivering pace before rising off the bed to take steady steps towards the bathroom door. As I did, sister had her dark eyes on me, as if watching my every move just to be cautious, I took full notice of that and felt uneasy when I reached to the cool tiles of the floor and attempted to close the door completely shut. Although her voice had prevented me from doing so; "Just leave the door partially open, Liang," She called out, "just so I can keep a close eye on you – to make sure you don't drown yourself."

I paused, nervously looking her way with the corner of my eye – I twitched; frightened of her dark remark.

* * *

I found myself in a spacious confinement that was a full shower; I lie down on the wet floor with my legs together, partially stretched to where my toes had touched the end of the wall of the shower. I had my arms atop of my semi-sore and red knees from the impact of me and sister's rather rough course of an 'outlet' – or sadomasochism to put it _**in simpler terms**_. On top of my arms was my face resting on them, a face that holds various expressions of hatred, guilt, shame, lust, and confusion all at once – I don't know if there is a colour for a synesthete to name or a simple, one letter emotion for it.

All I know is this is how I am feeling right now… I just basked in the warmth of the shower that acts as my purification sanctuary. As I basked in its inviting, calming warmth, I had closed my eyes and had thought back of what the other 'colours' had meant to me.

"_**You would emit the colour 'blue' – the colour of hatred, Liang Qi… This comes out the second that Canaan is mentioned, but also… it means something much more, doesn't it? You would become so greatly jealous at anyone who would eye me lecherously… You don't want anyone touching me and that pains you doesn't it?"**_

"_**Then, there are other two colours that are similar to how you feel about me… Purple and lavender… Purple is the colour of lust, something that is miraculously acquainted with our games of sadistic intentions, and lavender – a euphoric feeling in which we achieve by accomplishing them, an intense joy that is somewhat addicting to the likes of us."**_

I then faded out for just a few moments, just to rest my eyes for a while…

* * *

I did not know for how long I had blacked out, when I had slowly opened them; I noticed that my skin was becoming a bit cold. Through my eyes of blurred vision, I saw a brown colour, a shape of a long rod-like shape with a hand turning over the central valve of the shower – which the water began to appear fainter and fainter until it was no longer there. I heard the transparent glass door being slid open and looked without a clear focus of vision – a brown and slender figure with dark, shoulder-length hair.

The blurry figure moved in closer to me and I flinched at the first attempt, but did not think of trying to fight back, as I had felt too exhausted and overwhelmed to even do so; simply letting the figure hold and scoop me into its muscular arms. I buried my face onto the figure's neck, and inhaling the scent of it was a pleasant smell...

* * *

The feminine appearing figure placed me on the bed and tucked me comfortably on the freshly new sheets. I peered over to take a clear look on the figure that had helped me during my hour of distress, but instead I had seen two. The dark figure crossed _her_ arms – slightly turning her head to speak at the second figure – a _person_ – that _he_ appeared to have white skin, a black tank-top, and pants to match along with top. His hair was the colour of ashen-blonde, and spectacles that glared in the dim lighting.

The sight of that familiar male also made my body hurt – it was not the typical anger I have for this man, but rather just as much hurt as I feel towards my sister. Their dialogue sounded incoherent in my ears, only hearing the snippets of their conversation and their body language.

Sister turned away from my subordinate for a few seconds before looking at him in the eye and replying in a muffled tone, _"…Fine, speak with her... I'll give you twelve minutes to hurry it up."_ I struggled to keep my eyes opened just to see what his reaction was; a brief moment of him nodding off in gratitude.

While my vision was eventually tiring out, I could feel him beside me, kneeling on the floor with his facial expression appearing miserable, and his large hand reaching over to carefully stroke my saturated bangs and my hair. I disliked the feeling of _ever_ being touched by him, for that I have always find the nature of men filthy and perverted beings of pigs. My face contracted into that of disgust, yet he did not even backed away – he still looked at me with neglect.

"_Honoured Liang Qi…" _He whispered to me, the tone of his voice the same as his emotions; quite concerned. _"Have you been feeling all right?" _I did not bother to look at him, I did not even need to know his emotional pain – I only listened to his voice, to his question. I answered him with a forced smile, not really being aware that sister is there – looming over us and monitoring the conversation.

My mouth opened up and spoke in a raspy voice,_ "I feel just like shit, Cummings… Like I am being __**fucked over**__…" _

Little did I know that saying these words had triggered him, as he stopped his genuine strokes at my hair and forehead, his hand wavering above my face, and the sound of the shakiness from his breathing patterns. With my eyes partially opened, partially closed – my blurred vision seen his head directing towards my sister for quite a while and sister just stood there with her arms crossed.

"_Go ahead… Speak your mind… ...Say what you think she said, Cummings."_

The middle-aged loyal dog of a man became hesitant while facing me, his lips struggling to find the correct words of the matter and when did he managed find them; they were like a skipping record.

He continued his gentle strokes to my hair, his voice crackling, painfully; _"Hon…Honoured Liang Qi… Has…Has Honoured Alphard… __**sexually abused **__you…?" _There it was – that one word that is the most unspeakable in terms of me and sister's relationship; a word that sounds obvious enough for the relationship to be called that way, it pains me very well – but it was all in consensual matter.

My face constricted in absolute disgust, through distorted vision I struggled to loom over the disgusting bastard and slap at him, call him many familiar names, and spit in his face again – but most of those actions foiled. I only managed to slap him across the face with the back of my hand and cursed him, _**"What are you…?! WHAT GIVES YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT TO ASSUME SUCH MATTER!?**__**I tolerated many things from you, but this…! THAT'S UNFORGIVABLE, CUMMINGS!" **_I screamed, literally – shrilled at the top of my lungs until it left me exhausted and nervously fatigued – with my body burning hotly from intense anger of his words, sister finally led him out the door while he was still in the state of emotional shock. I refused to see the rest of it between them, more so, I _refused _to face sister after our quarrel – through this time, I spent it crying a little and curling into a tight ball in the sheets.

Through my hearing, sister closed the door and did not say anything much as she walked towards the bed. First, she removed the wooly bathrobe to expose the bareness of her skin. Second, the room was dark now, save for the city lights outside the hotel window. Last but not the least, she snuggled herself next to me, however in cautious motion; her hand hovered over my head and had replaced Cummings' large hand with her own slender one – though, both of them are neither any different… But they are not similar either… The hairs at the back of my neck stood out, _again_ while she touches me in a different manner and body language.

My feelings and emotions for her are still as strong, but my body does not seem to make it so, so much reluctance in it that makes me a frustrated, nervous wreck…

Both of us lay for a while in awkward silence, and then sister managed to speak out a question as she continues her languid caress, _"Do you think I sexually abuse you, Liang?"_ I guess that man's question had given her interest as well…But I do not feel the want to even answer that question, instead – what I did in return, was to turn myself over to face her in the eye. She rose a little to give the space, then laid back down. She took in a deep breath as she wrapped an arm around my neck, gently massaging the back of my head with her fingertips. _"What do you think?" _She whispered impatiently, my guess she is getting fidgety – as much as I am.

I too breathed in deeply, but more so in the same pace as the earlier events. I then tucked my face underneath her chin, rubbing my nose against her jaw-line – my mouth lingering at her ear and I replied quietly in it, _"I cannot remember a time that you did do that to me… And if you did…,"_ The sound of my own voice had trailed off to itself as I pressed onto her warm, slicked skin – it feels like being in a blanket wrapped of confusing, unthinkable, and lustful emotions – a guilty pleasure. Both of us stopped our conversation to bask in the sinful bind.

As I felt a little better through flushed cheeks and adrenaline rush, I finished the sentence, _"…And if you did…I'll be sure to forgive you – because I love you that much, my sister…"_ She reached in and held me in her arms, I assume she is at least pleased with the answer, it was accurate in terms of my feelings, _and maybe_ that was it. At least that is what I think it was… We both stayed in this position for a while until I broke away and faced the opposite direction from my sister. My back to her front, my hands slid themselves underneath the cool, fluffy pillow and remained inside…


End file.
